Today’s guest post is from Ava Carroll-Brown, etiquette expert/wedding and event planner and author of Where IS Your Mother?  

Ava’s authorial debut Where IS Your Mother? was this summer’s go-to guide on modern day etiquette. Available now on Amazon.com, click here!!

For more info and etiqueete tips follow Ava on www.wiym.tumblr.com or @AvaCarrollBrown

Read: Where IS Your Mother? Book Review

Tips And Advice For Raising A Well Mannered Child

Good manners and proper behavior are not inherited traits – they are lessons that must be taught beginning at a very early age and reinforced on a daily basis.

At mealtime, a child should be taught that this is the time to sit properly, eat what is placed before him and to respect his meal space as well as the meal space of others. Simply: there is NO eating on the run, NO playing at the table with the food or dishes, NO distributive noises or melt downs and NO tossing food items. Mealtime is the time to sit properly in one’s meal space and enjoy the meal that is put before them. If this is not the choice of the child, remove the child from the space. Repetition of this lesson is the key and eventually the child will understand while at the table, he must sit and behave properly or the meal is over.

The three magic words, beginning with toddlers, are very important. When taking an item of any kind from a child, repeat the word, ‘thank you’. Soon the child will learn that when giving a gift, the person taking or receiving the gift should reply with a ‘thank you.’ When a child wants something, repeat the word, ‘please;’ eventually the child will associate the word ‘please’ to getting what they want. And when a child wants your attention, whether you are engaged in conversation or occupied with something else, impress on the child that by saying, ‘excuse me’, you or anyone else will know that they have something to say.

One additional comment in connection with the “ask nicely and you will receive lesson” is that although the child was polite in his request, he can’t always have everything he asks for. Children are very smart and as they get older the ‘may I have a cookie’ will most likely turn into ‘may I have a new toy’ each time you are at the mall. So when a polite and proper request is made and the answer is no, mom can simply add, ‘but thank you for asking so nicely’ and that just may be good enough.

A well-mannered child begins at home and rules for the table and the three magic words are the first lessons that can be taught. Be consistent and when the child responds to the lesson correctly, praise the child and say ‘thank you!’ It’s just like potty training – repeat the lesson and soon the child will learn it.

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I am pleased to bring to you Barbara R. Greenberg, Ph.D, a teen parenting expert and co-writer of the hit book “Teenage as a Second Language: A Parent’s Guide to Becoming Bilingual.”  She is also a respected speaker, avid reader and loves all things related to physical fitness.

Barbara Greenberg and her professional partner, Jennifer A. Powell-Lunder, Psy.D, have set up an interactive website for parents and teens to listen, learn and discuss hot topics and daily dilemmas. You can find it at www.talkingteenage.com.

Does Your Teen Make You Frumpy, Lumpy & Crazy?

Let’s face it — once you have kids you are never quite the same. You chop off your hair so that you can wash and wear. Much of the affection that you reserved for your partner is now lavished on your offspring. Your body is exhausted by caring for the kids, so it becomes less about sex and more about nurturance.

Time passes. Your babies grow into toddlers.  Your hair has grown a bit and is now usually up in a ponytail. If you go to the grocery store you can usually identify the moms of toddlers by their look. It’s usually a ponytail, a little lip gloss, jeans, and an easy to slip on pair of boots or flip-flops. Moms of little kids still maintain something that mothers of teens start to feel that they are losing. I am talking about CONTROL. You have control over little kids’ play dates, schedules, activities, and appointments. Let’s face it – there is some comfort in control.

Fast forward to the teen years. While you may have let your hair out of the ponytail and may have more time to do your own thing you are probably nonetheless a different sort of person than you ever imagined.

Consider the following examples:

  1. A very playful and social woman learns that her 16-year-old son has kissed a girl. She literally begins to take a poll at the grocery store to see if this is normal among 16-year-old  boys. This very competent and highly-functioning woman has suddenly lost her feelings of confidence and is worried sick that she has raised a sex-crazed kid.
  2. This woman’s lovely daughter hasn’t returned her call. It’s been fifteen minutes. This mom calls me. She is convinced that her daughter is in danger. I talk her through this. She calms down. Her husband is several hours late, but she does not appear to be that concerned about him. Her daughter arrives home while she is asking me about the possibility of accidents, suicidality etc. Her daughter does not have a history of depression.
  3. The school bus is late. The mother calls the dispatcher to find out exactly where the bus is. The bus arrives five minutes late and this mother is ready to have a drink. She does not have a history of alcoholism.

So, my question to mothers is… what do you think happens to us when we have kids and teens? Do you have a story that you’d like to share?

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The fun and sexy mommy behind The Mommyologist has featured Mommy Posh on her blog.  Click here to read the entire post.  Thanks Mary!

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